| 108 Ann
- no email
- no homepage
- 2000-07-02 18:14:59
I think it's from the episode with the "special"
brownies... Harris (high as a kite) gets a cup of coffee, but wanting tea,
proceeds to put a tea bag in the coffee, and decides that it should be
called "toffee".
107 david armstrong
- darmst@aol.com
- no homepage
- 2000-07-02 01:33:40
one of my all time favorites is an episode when a
recurring character named kopeckni(sp?) has been arrested, and during the
course of his stay it becomes known (or claimed by him) that he has psychic
powers of some sort...as it turns out the inspector has been pestering
barney to finish some report for him and during one of kopeckni's psychic
outbursts starts screaming, "luger...LUGER...do your own DAMN work!!!" this causes barney a great deal of distress and embarrassment...
106 Phillip Owens
- PhillipG.Owens1@Prodigy.net
- http://www.Prodigy.net
- 2000-07-01 07:45:57
In an episode where one of the officers was injured
and was taken to the hospital (I think it was Yemana), Barny goes over to
Wojo's desk who is talking to someone at the hospital, and asks Wojo how the injured officer is. Wojo places his hand over the
receiver and in a
quavering voice said: "They lost him, Barn." Barny said: "Oh, my God. Okay, Wojo, we'd better notify his wife and make arrangements
for the funeral." Wojo said: "No, Barny. They can't find him. He's been misplaced." And Barny said, exasperatedly:
"Wojo, choose your words a little more carefully from now on, willya!!??"
105 Phillip Owens
- PhillipG.Owens1@Prodigy.net
- http://www.prodigy.net
- 2000-07-01 07:33:04
It's the episode in which Wojo's girlfriend made
some brownies that were hashish-laced. Fish said: "The first time in twenty
years I feel really great, and it has to be illegal." In the same episode,
Miller asks Harris to have the brownies tested for drugs. Harris takes a
handful into his mouth, and Miller exclaims: "NOT that way!!!"
104 Phillip Owens
- PhillipG.Owens1@Prodigy.net
- http://www.Prodigy.net
- 2000-07-01 07:25:18
I don't know the name of this episode, but in it,
Yemana and his brother are mugged. When Barny asks them for a description, Yemana said: "They were white."
Exasperated, Miller said: "Is that all you can say? They're white? You're a cop, Yenama. Can't you a give me a better description than that?"
And Yemana said: "All you white guys look alike to us!"
(P. S. I'm white, and I thought it was pretty funny,
myself.)
103 Phillip Owens
- PhillipG.Owens1@Prodigy.net
- http://www.Prodigy.net
- 2000-07-01 07:21:00
I don't know the title of the episode, but it's the
1st one in which Ken Tigar appeared playing a recurring character. He was a werewolf. As he was in the cage howling,
Yemena came over to him. "Hey, Barny, look! There's hair growing on his face!" "That a beard, Yemena. Haven't you ever seen a beard before?"
and Yemena said: Not in MY family!"
102 Phillip Owens
- PhillipG.Owens1@Prodigy.net
- http://www.Prodigy.net
101 Steve C
- no email
- no homepage
- 2000-06-23 04:22:02
My all-time favorite:
Episode Unknown: A tall, black, somewhat elderly
gentleman has been arrested. While being questioned, he states, "One gains a certain amount of wisdom with the years, whether one wants to or not."
100 Mike Deines
- no email
- no homepage
- 2000-06-21 00:51:06
"Go away!, BEVERLY is BUSY"!
99 Mike Deines
- no email
- no homepage
- 2000-06-21 00:48:50
Dietrich was classic. In the episode where he gets
arrested for attending the Anti-nuke demonstration. Lt Scanlan, Inspector
Luger, Barney and Dietrich are all in Barney's office. This is so Scanlan
can grill Dietrich and get the details of why he violated police rules by
attending. While pointing and waving around his rolled up magazine, Scanlan says "OOOOkay, I want to hear all about it, from the beginning"!
Dietrich clears his throat, looks at the floor and says, "It was about the 5th
century B.C. when philosophers Luciphus and Dametrius first postulated the
theory of atomic structure". The Lt. shifts uneasy and begins to grumble
sitting on the couch and Dietrich interrupts by asking him, "What, do you
want me to skip on ahead a little"?
98 Mike Deines
- mrdeines@webserf.net
- no homepage
- 2000-06-07 01:22:24
Dietrich is perhaps most compelling due to his dry
wit and humor. In the episode where he reports for duty at the "ol 1-2" he
mentiones the disbandment of his old precinct. Fishe askes, "...did they let
go of the older cops, the better cops?" Dietrich replys by saying, "yeah,
they let go of the older cops, but then again, they let go of some the
better ones too." A perfect way to set the stage for the years of laughter
Dietrich would bring us with his blindside style humor. Kudos to the writers
and cast.
97 Bill Armstrong
- bill.armstrong@bankerssystems.com
- no homepage
- 2000-05-30 19:01:25
It's been years since I have seen a Barney Miller
episode and I miss it greatly. When the scriptwriting and acting is superior
you can have a show last for 7 years while never leaving same precinct room. While I remember many quotes from the show,
the two that stand out for me is as follows. Yamana, while taking the Rorschach inkblot test in Barneys office with a Psychiatrist,
interpreted an inkblot picture made from HP ink as "An elephant wearing a hat". The Psychiatrist turned the picture upside down and asked
Yamana for another interpretation. Yamana replied "An elephant laying on his back, wearing a hat". The other quote involved Yamana also.
Barney gestured to Yamana to release the Gay guy who had a recurring role on the show when Barney got the news back from the lab that the
wasn't enough cocaine to hold him. As Yamana was walking toward the cell the Gay guy kept saying "I'm so happy I could kiss everyone of you".
Yamana looked at Barney and asked "Should I let him out?" Barney said yes and as Yamana opened the cell he immediately backed away !!!!
96 Jules Archer
- info@sharecom.com
- http://www.sharecom.com
- 2000-05-24 12:04:11
All Nick's:
"Whadd'ya say we go down to the beach and shoot some
clams?"
"Anybody seen my legs? They're about this long"
*holding up hands about two feet apart*
Upon returning from placing bets at the new off
track betting facility, talking about how great it is to be able to make
bets like that, and learning that he has just told this to someone from the
DA's office: "I like to take an early lunch so I can get back and work right
through the rest of the day"
95 Joe
- jjb12@scasd.k12.pa.us
- no homepage
- 2000-05-15 14:36:19
Nick, making his old family recipe at the old 12,
repeats the ingredients to the squadroom personnel, and then says "You know, this IS garbage!".
94 j gettler
- jgetler@aol.com
- no homepage
- 2000-05-14 04:43:28
one of the funniest lines involved the episode when
harris brought in a man who claimed he was from the future. harris says to
barney, "ask him where he's from" the man says "Denver" harris then says,
"tell the captain what year", the man replies "2010"
arthur says "how are the broncos doing"
93 John Askins
- askinsj@herald.infi.net
- no homepage
- 2000-05-14 01:40:06
The Fed from the Bureau of Indian Affairs was upset
that Wojo called him down to the precinct over the Indian who was preparing to go to the Happy Hunting Grounds.
The Fed impatiently looked at his watch and said something like, " Miller, I deal with entire Indian nations, not just one Indian.
Can you hurry this up? I've got the Arapahos at 4:00."
92 Dave
- dlclements@msn.com
- no homepage
- 2000-05-10 15:57:14
The episode where Harris is detailing all his
troubles and hardships with the bums in South Carolina, Wojo interupts and
asks "Did ya remember my nutlog?" Of all the bad shows in syndication, why not Barney Miller?
91 Earl Gallant
- earl.gallant@ns.sympatico.ca
- no homepage
- 2000-05-06 18:46:49
Hey Barney..see my feet anywhere
Yemana after eating cookies laced with hash
90 Jim O'malley
- hawk315hp@email.com
- no homepage
- 2000-05-04 13:56:23
Barney Miller is among the funniest, best written
and best acted sitcoms to come along. That it no longer is widely available
in re-runs is a shame.
Favorite scene.....
Blind man displaying his intuitive other-sensory
skills to the squad, notes Harrises nervous pencil tapping and other audible
habits of the cast, pointing out their personality traits. When asked by
Yemana for a similar 'reading', blind man replies " You're forceful,
determined, a leader of men. When you speak other listen up...." Yemana nods admiringly. " either that or you're Japanese!"
89 Dan Stroeder
- danstroeder@compuserve.com
- no homepage
- 2000-05-01 15:05:57
A woman who speaks no English, only German,
arrives at the 12th Precinct. Dietrich walks
by and listens to her, chats away with her
for a bit, and then walks away. Barney has
been looking around for a German translator
without success. He goes over to Dietrich
and says 'Dietrich, you speak German?' He
replies: 'Well, I dabble'. Barney: 'Would
you mind dabbling with Miss Schnabel?'.
Dietrich then asks her if she's seen any good
movies latley ...
88 Francis Crociata
- sowerbyfdn@aol.com
- no homepage
- 2000-04-29 02:05:52
Ditto to everyones' comments--Barney Miller (like
the Honeymooners) was a whole other order of being--televisionwise. What a wonderful website to find! Quote:
(from Hash--no question--the highest of so many high points) Nick: "Barney, Barney, Barney. How's your mother from Calarney?"
Question: From the Dietrick-centered episode wherein he
determines an institutionalized woman who seems to speak jiberish is
actually speaking Macedonian--Was the phrase she repeated (which translated "Isn't it a lovely day?") really Macedonian? Did/does
"Svets" mean "flowers" in Macedonian? And why hasn't anyone though of some kind of reunion--the premise would certainly
led itself to the live television drama experiment recently (and successfully) tried on CBS?
87 Debbie
- sojourner44@home.com
- no homepage
- 2000-04-28 11:59:15
Have to be sure to mention (don't know the episode
name) when the phone rang, no one was around because of a Sting Operation with picking cotton? tobacco? , so it was answered,
"Twelfth Precinct. Ray!" by their resident vagrant.
86 Jennifer
- jennygags@mailcity.com
- no homepage
- 2000-04-13 12:22:41
If you ever get the chance to watch "The Manchurian
Candidate", you'll see a most amazing side of James Gregory as a smarmy
none-too-bright VP nominee. A very dark movie. I must admit, I have a hard
time watching it, not thinking of the class Luger lines: It's poppy-cock!
LMAO
85 brian
- bwagner@uawford.com
- no homepage
- 2000-04-09 22:48:13
"...and drop that snotty accent!!! You're from St.
Louis for God's sake!!!"
84 ted
- tednik@home.com
- no homepage
- 2000-04-08 21:49:10
The sequence in which the squad has picked up a
mysterious device from a student doing a science project. In comes Dietrich,
notices the device, and nonchantly asks: "Hey, where'd ya get the A-bomb?"
for that is what it is.
83 David Katz
- imafunker@home.com
- no homepage
- 2000-04-01 13:09:18
Barney was just suspended as captain. He tells Nick
that he is in charge. Wojo says to Nick, "So, what'll we do now?" Nick using
his new power as the man in charge replys, "Let's call it a day."
82 Yancx
- Yancx@aol.com
- http://members.aol.com/Yancx/Home.htm
- 2000-03-31 02:08:04
Mooshi moooshi...my eyes go squish
81 Alan Hirai
- hiraims@yahoo.com
- no homepage
- 2000-03-26 06:03:40
The first appearance of (the actor who played) Lt.
Scandlin before he becomes a regular on the show, he appears as an army
recruiter reporting a crime. Barney tells him to give the information to
Sgt. Yamana, who Scandlin notices by his name and appearance that he is
Japanese. Scandlin looking very suspiciously at Sgt. Yamana, and says,
"Yamana. That's japanese isn't it?" Then Scandlin introduces himself as
"Maj. so and so of THE UNITED STATES ARMY." Yamana, unaffected by the show of prejudice, says in an almost sarcastic voice,
"Yes. I recognize the uniform." Then Scandlin says in his most vile, haunting, deliberate voice, says "I'LL BET YOU DO!!!"
Annie J.
- koalagirl169@prodigy.net
- no homepage
- 2001-03-22 02:27:06
When they arrested the guy with psychic powers on charges of
(forseeing a purse snatching) and he yells out to Barney and Inspecter
Lugar...."Lugar Do your own damn work!!!!" I love all the shows, I think its
one of the best ever on tv!...My most favorite is Wojo (hes cute) and
Diedrich, but all of them are favorites!
80 Paul Bagnulo
- bagnulo@gte.net
- no homepage
- 2000-03-21 21:08:07
Best written show on TV...ever!
Absolute priceless moment (can't remember episode title):
Fish is tired of Barney's hectoring. Has just finished a milkshake (???) and
finally cracks:
"Laugh it up, Fuzzball."
79 SandyJ.
- Emptydata@aol.com
- no homepage
- 2000-03-03 18:01:36
Luger sees a bum in the cell. He asks Barney "So who's the
brother-can-you-spare-a-dime-er?".
78 D. Clark
- revbiz@cybertours.com
- no homepage
- 2000-03-03 02:58:43
Without a doubt, the best written and acted sit-com ever! Two favorite
moments: 1. Yemana, finally gets fed up with the comments about his coffee
says, "If you can't say something good, don't say anything at all." The
squad members each take a sip of their coffee, say nothing, and after a long
period of silence, Yeman says, "Veryfunny!). 2. Levitt, trying to impress
Barney so he can get his long-desired promotion to detective says, "I
believe in God...I'm just not happy about how he does some things."
77 Bob Vitali
- rvitali@mediaone.net
- no homepage
- 2000-03-01 13:33:11
I love the episode where Wojo brought in the brownies laced with Hashish,
and when Fish found out what the brownies were laced with he had the
priceless line, "First time in 20 years I felt really good, and it had to be
illegal." Also on the same episode with Yamana who kept saying "Mushi,
mushi."
76 Vic Lazare
- lazare@home.com
- no homepage
- 2000-02-25 05:22:57
From episode#22 "You Dirty Rat" - 11/13/75 Fish, Yemana, Wojo and Amenguale
make a bust of 10 kilos of marijuana. Unbeknownst to the detectives a large
pack rat steals two kilos. At the end of the episode when the internal
affairs officer comes to collect the "Grass" an exterminator clobbers the
rat with a shovel and finds the two kilos. The internal affairs officer (now
possessing all of the marijuana says: "When I get downtown I'm gonna tell
them just like it happened: You guys had a rat. The rat stole the grass. The
rat didn't like the grass. So the rat sent it back."
75 karl
- no email
- no homepage
- 2000-02-24 23:23:10
The episode where the 12th became the squad that only investigated
homicides. Luger sees a man in the cage and askes him, "So what kind of
murderin' scum do you call yourself?" Reply, "Henry."
74 Molly Malloy
- parakeet@netbird.com
- no homepage
- 2000-02-20 10:18:26
"Noga u'bav den?" - "Isn't it a beautiful day!" ... "Lieutenant Scanlon!
Always a pleasure." ... "Hardwood Floors!" ... "You're fulla PRUNES." ...
"And yesterday my fourteen-year-old SHAVED HIS HEAD!" ... "Stanley Taddeus Wojciehowicz." - "That doesn't scare me."
... "I don't want any water! I gotta go home! I gotta get some sleep and then I gotta go to
WOOORRRRRRRRRRRKKKK." ... "Who arrested the rabbi?" ... "What's with the reverend?" - "Receiving stolen property." -
"Oh. What are you going to do, throw the Good Book at him?"
73 Steve
- Rt93North@mediaone.net
- no homepage
- 2000-02-18 22:46:02
Small Pox!! Oh Mother!!!!!!! Like it or not, the gay guys were the most
intriguing recuring characters. As a Police Officer, I must say thet this
show is the most realistsic depiction of the people only we see.
72 Trace
- ttracy@mandtbank.com
- no homepage
- 2000-02-09 18:21:47
The episode where there is a rash of robberies against the Hasidic Jewish
community. The initial victim who like his fellow members of the Hasidim
deals in brokering diamonds, tells the men of "the Twelfth,"There is an old
saying that goes:'He-e who steals my pur-rse, steals trash.' Don't you
believe it!" Later, Inspector Franklin D. Luger, who has now assumed the
role of Public Relations Liasion for his territory, addresses a crowd of
Hasidic Jews who have gathered outside the precinct. Inspector Luger,
"Barn... there's a bunch of guys outside that look like the Smith
Brothers.Maybe I oughta go have a word with them." The Inspector returns
with torn clothes and a few bumps and bruises. Barney: "Inspector! What
happened??!!" Inspector:"I don't know Barney. All I said was,'This is
Franklin D. Luger of the New York City Police Department. We're doing
everything we can to solve your problem. In the meantime why don't you all
go home and take a shave." Classic Inspector... the epitome of
insensitivity.
71 Trace
- ttracy@mandtbank.com
- no homepage
- 2000-02-09 16:34:38
The episode where Harris,working undecover,.gets shang-haied to South
Carolina with other homeless men. Upon return to the "Twelfth" with a bevy
of vagrants in tow, Harris:"Barn... you have no idea what it's like
travelling with the Von Trapp family here. All the way home it's 'I have to
go to the bathroom. Can we have some ice cream? Are we THERE yet?"
70 Joel
- no email
- no homepage
- 2000-02-09 15:40:14
My favorite character was the morbidly nostalgic, manipulative and tactless
Inspector Frank Luger, played James Gregory (missing from your "where are they now?" section). In one episode, a character with
precognition warns Barney as he's leaving for lunch that something will prevent him from going. He claims that he feels "a gloomy,
overbearing presence" very nearby. Just then, Inspector Luger enters. Rarely has a character been summed up so
succinctly!
69 gary
- gary_obannon@mailexcite.com
- no homepage
- 2000-01-23 17:46:08
Someone was looking for this quote from the episode where a stage actor and writer began brawling on stage after the actor refused
to say the lines as written....this is the same episode where Dietrich, after shooting a
suspect, almost quits the force...after a tirade by the actor, Harris asks
Dietrich, "did you catch some of Oh-liv-iay's act...Dietrich replies, "Have
patience with the jealousies and petulances of actors, for their hour is
their eternity." He attributes this quote to Richard Garnet.
68 William Boggs
- izzyonner@yahoo.com
- no homepage
- 2000-01-22 03:57:59
Fish from the Hash episode "First time I've felt good in 20 years and you
gotta tell me it's illegal."
67 John Sz
- Tygrkhat@aol.com
- no homepage
- 2000-01-19 01:09:29
I always loved Harris's euphemisms for sending people to Bellevue...the
Twinkie Mobile, booking passage on the Disoriented Express and others...it's been so long since I've seen the show I can't remember too many.
66 JOHN P
- JPEN442@AOL.COM
- no homepage
- 2000-01-18 21:16:10
Patients of a sanatarium have escaped and end up in the squad room. Nurse to Harris"sometimes they don't take thier medicine and they become almost",
pause and Harris finishes "Lucid?"
65 Stephen
- epilogue@inficad.com
- no homepage
- 2000-01-17 04:53:50
In one episode, an officer(Zetelli)writes a letter to disclose that an
officer in the 12th Precinct is gay. Luetenant Scandlin comes to the 12th to
question the officers and find out who it is. When Barney is quite insistent
that whoever wrote the letter wishes to remain anonymous, Scandlan replies "I wanna hear it from him..." Typical Scandlin.
64 MHG
- no email
- no homepage
- 2000-01-16 01:52:44
Episode - The Werewolf -YEMANA (talking about Kopekne): But look at him, Barney. He has hair growing out of his face.
BARNEY: That's called a BEARD! Haven't you ever seen one before? YEMANA: Not in my family.
63 Paul
- no email
- no homepage
- 2000-01-12 05:13:42
When Jack Soo looks at Barney and says after ingesting hash brownies,"Can
you hear my eyes going squish squish".In the same episode Barney asks Harris to get the brownies analyzed.Harris proceeds to
eat one and tell Barney By the way i feel and the way they taste I`m pretty sure they are hash.
62 Lauren Hill
- llhill@eudoramail.com
- no homepage
- 2000-01-12 00:14:22
"'bout that raise, Barn," as Wojo is aiming the "oozie" at an unsuspecting
Barney finishing paperwork at his desk. Anything Wojo said was priceless!
61 Kevin
- no email
- no homepage
- 2000-01-11 18:30:40
Man in Jail: Did anyone ever tell you that you look just like Boris Karloff?
Fish: That's because we're both dead.
60 DISCO BABY NICOLE
- EDolison@webtv.net
- http://commuity.webtv.net/EDolison/DISCOBABYNICOLE
- 2000-01-09 01:21:34
What ever happened to Gregory Sierra? The Puerto Rican detective from Barney
Miller!
59 Matt K
- matt4film@aol.com
- no homepage
- 2000-01-08 23:25:48
In an episode where there was a terrible rainstorm and the roof was leaking:
Nick Yemana grabs a coffee pot that was catching water that was dripping
through the ceiling. Barney stops him. Barney: You can't use that for our
coffe? Nick: (Puzzled) Why not? Natural rainwater is the purest water you
can find. Barney: But our roof! It's filthy! And the ceiling is full of
asbestos and infested with termites! Nick: Oh. That filters out the
impurities.
58 Bob Cole
- rscjr444@yahoo.com
- no homepage
- 2000-01-07 19:28:02
From the episode "the Delegate". A Pennsylvania delegate to the 1976
Democratic convention is still in NYC in the fall of 1980, having never gone
home. Instead he has experimented in drugs, booze and sex. Fianlly his wife
comes to the 12th precinct to bring him home. The Delegate: "I have a
confession. I haven't been faithful to you." Wife: "I didn't expect you to
be." The Delegate: "I'm not talking about meaningless one-night stands with
cheap hookers. I'm talking about sick, long-term relationships that I really
enjoyed." Then as the delegate is about to leave with his wife, he says to
Barney: "I wander what's for dinner tonight? Let's see, Tuesday...ah yes,
turkey croquets. Funny the things you remember."
57 Martin Fournier
- fournm1@investorsgroup.com
- no homepage
- 1999-12-29 22:06:35
Drunk talking to his AA sponsor. You know Roy why I never called you before.
Well no. Cause you're boring, you bore hell out of me. But you always seemed
to enjoy our talks before. I was always drunk before, just give me the
speedboat and stop boring me.
56 Christine Young
- Cyoung@exchange.ml.com
- no homepage
- 1999-12-29 17:04:44
The ultimate Deitrich line; When the guys in the Precint have to take a Lie
Detector test. Wojo is sweating bullets even though of course he hasn't done anything wrong. Deitrich goes in to take the test,
cool as a cucumber. The test taker asks his name and he gives it. The test taker then says 'Where were you born?' and
Deitrich replies, matter of factly, 'It's hard to say, it was long long ago....in a galaxy far far away.' And the machine never
flutters. The test taker concludes he's telling the truth. --- I love
Deitrich!
55 Daniel German
- danielg@push-marketing.com
- no homepage
- 1999-12-28 16:38:25
What happened to all the recurring characters who really made the show. I've forgotten the names, but I remember the titles: the internal affairs
officer, the liquor store owner, the NRA guy who offered rewards for
shooting burglars at the scene of the crime, the mugger who preyed on blind people, the wearwolf, Ron the bum, the two gay guys,
marcia the hooker and the two old men roomies, one blind and rich, the other poor and a good shot with the gun.
54 Brian Crane
- bcrane@sigecom.net
- no homepage
- 1999-12-26 03:00:50
From the episode where Fish has tried keeping his sock up with a rubber
band. He's on the phone with Bernice and says, "Bernice, I'll have to call
you back. My sock just fell down."
53 Randy Boring
- randyboring@hotmail.com
- http://www.cyberrific.com
- 1999-12-16 02:04:55
It was the episode where a husband and wife come to tell about their runaway daughter, who's run off to join a cult.
He's trying to tell the detectives about why she ran away. "She told me the kharma was bad... How the hell was I
suppposed to know the kharma was bad?" Later in the same episode, the cult leader comes to pick up the daughter
whose new name is something like Prakna Muhrti. The leader looks a lot like Jesus. Fish's wife comes in and he says to her, "Bernice, stay away from that man."
52 Ed Reith
- ekjard@aol.com
- no homepage
- 1999-12-15 21:50:08
You could list every line from the "hash" episode here. How about when
Barney sends Harris home and says "maybe you shouldn't drive, you'd better take a bus". Harris says, "Hey Barn'. If I can't drive a car, I sure can't
drive a bus".
51 Mike Crane
- mcrane@TheRamp.net
- no homepage
- 1999-12-15 18:43:23
don't recall the episode, but Nick was doing the anual inventory of the
office and complains to Barney that he can find a firstbase mitt. Barney
looks at the list and says, "it's a first aid kit !" Nick say that's good
cause all I could find was a fielders glove
50 BOB
- no email
- no homepage
- 1999-12-09 23:45:51
ANYTIME INSP. LUGAR WOULD SAY "POPPY COCK BARNEY"
49 BOB
- no email
- no homepage
- 1999-12-09 23:41:59
THE "HASH" EPISODE WHEN NICK, AFTER HAVING HIS FILL OF THE BROWNIES,
WISPERED INTO BARNEYS EAR, " MOOSHIE MOOSHIE". THEN LATER BROKE INTO SONG!!
48 T.A.
- zxsper@aol.com
- no homepage
- 1999-12-09 03:24:28
Not sure what episode. Two collars are in the cage as Fish walks by holding two epees. One collar says
"what do you use those for" Fish replies in his usual deadpan "crowd control"
47 Gary
- gary_obannon@mailexcite.com
- no homepage
- 1999-12-05 18:40:59
The same actor who played the werewolf years earlier was back playing a
character who had "the gift of precognition." A still not convinced squad
room and, specifically,Wojo begins, "Well, regardless...we're still going
to..." Character interrupts and concludes Wojo's sentence by saying... "I
know, you're going to have to book me." A little impressed, Wojo replies,
"O.K., which desk?" Man pauses a couple of seconds and,with confidence,
walks straight over to Wojo's desk and sits down....Wojo and the boys look
at each other, very impressed...the man then picks up Wojohowitz's name
plate from the desk and simply replies: "There can't be TWO of you!"
46 Paul Portland
- pportland@excite.com
- no homepage
- 1999-12-02 13:47:07
The physics student builds a model of an atomic bomb. Barney asks the bomb squad guy: "Do you think it really is an atomic bomb?".
Bomb squad guy: "nah cann't be.". Dietrich walks in and says: "Hey, where 'd you guys get the atomic bomb?"
45 Mark S. Joy
- joy@jc.edu
- no homepage
- 1999-12-02 01:39:37
I don't know the name of the episode, but Wojohowitz had chased a man into a tunnel which then collapsed, and he had an out-of-body, near-death
experience. This got all the squad talking about life after death and the
existence of God. Dietrich says he doesn't believe. Yamano says, "I'll just
have to disagree with you." Just then the phone rings; Yamano picks it
up--he's won $400 on a horse race. He looks at Dietrich and says, "I guess
that settles that."
44 Jennifer
- jennygags@lycosmail.com
- no homepage
- 1999-12-01 13:45:50
Great feature! From the Hash episode: Fish says something like, "First time
in 40 years I felt great and it's illegal." From the Quarantine episode: As
the hooker is leaving she says "Never have I spent so much time with so many for so little." As she leaves, Levitt comments "All we got were sandwiches."
From the Werewolf episode: Nick swears the guy is growing hair on his face. Barney says "Haven't you ever seen a beard before?" Nick replies "Not in my family."
43 Gary
- gary_obannon@mailexcite.com
- no homepage
- 1999-11-28 18:44:00
Not sure of the show name but I believe it is "Deaf Mute." When what is
build as the most notorious New York weather ever, "The Boys" have nabbed a deaf mute soliciting for prostitution. Levitt happens
to know sign language (his sister was deaf). Later, Barney asked Ron Harris to go out in the cold to catch a bad guy...Harris,
who is suffering badly from the flu, asked Barney increduously "You want ME to go OUT?! Barney says "Yes, unless you are
conversant in sign language"....Harris replies..."I have a few
gestures." This show was awesome. The "thinking person's show I always say. Many did not get it...but now that I look back as
to why, I now know...you had to be aware of cultural, topical events and appreciate a different kind of humor. I miss it so!!!!! Great site! Gary
42 bob
- no email
- no homepage
- 1999-11-27 23:49:26
Dietrich finnishes a monologue about the plague and pestalence of society
and the inevitable end of the earth and folows it up with .....Hey. How bout
those Rangers!
40 Deb
- debi.nyl-tingley@ualberta.ca
- no homepage
- 1999-11-18 19:28:38
Hash Brownie Episode: Love the whole episode, but particularly when Barney tells Harris to take a bus home and not come back until
he feels better. Harris replies: "Okay Barn, I'll take a bus home, but I ain't NEVER gonna feel no better".
39 Dana Eugene Creasy
- deecee322@earthlink.net
- http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Heights/5585/
- 1999-11-16 19:43:41
As a former police officer and current television executive, Barney Miller
was and is one of my favorite shows of all time. It was both poignant and
humerous at the same time, showing us all humanity as it really was, plus
dealing with life as every cop had to; while not always realistic with the
crime elements, the exasperations of working for the city in the 70's, when
there was no money and everything was falling apart, came through. One of my favorite episodes featured the late Jack
Soo cooking Chow Yuk, which Woko claimed smelled like garbage. Nick replied, "Garbage? That's an ancient Chinese delicacy...
it's got fish heads, cabbage leaves, carrot peels,
radish roots...then pauses... come to think of it, it IS garbage!"
38 Kieran C. Scott
- finski23@yahoo.com
- no homepage
- 1999-11-09 23:27:28
Barney Miller is my all time favorite comedy and cop show, tied with The
Honeymooners" and "M*A*S*H". No show will cut as sharply as this how did
again. It is sad and beautiful at the same time.
37 Matt Bream
- kingfish72@hotmail.com
- no homepage
- 1999-11-01 20:55:00
[Episode Unknown]Dietrich has just arrested an elderly professor for
harrassing a woman with obscenities in the park. In truth, the man is
researching the history of profanity PROFESSOR: She called me a pervert. I'm a scholar! DIETRICH: No reason you can't be both...
36 Brock Hoffman
- OZZlaw@aol.com
- no homepage
- 1999-10-18 06:30:53
Episode unknown. Wojo is taking info from a suspect, the suspect looks at
his name plate, sees Wojo's name and asks, "How do you pronounce that?" Wojo replies, "What's the difference?" The suspect says, "They never sound like they're spelled."
35 Sue Brown
- gildabrat@yahoo.com
- no homepage
- 1999-10-16 03:17:23
"Let's go down to the beach and shoot some clams..." -Yemana
34 Arlo Hagler
- arlo@asis.com
- http://www.asis.com/~arlo/electric.html
- 1999-10-16 03:09:29
(Episode unknown). For reasons I cannot recall, somebody other than Yamana has made the coffee, and it tastes just as bad
as it usually does. Yamana: "...All these years... I thought it was me."
33 Gary L. Ellenbolt
- no email
- no homepage
- 1999-10-16 02:27:22
Dietrich (to some prisoner whose name escapes me): "Honesty is the best
policy--but 'insanity's' a better defense."
32 John Lind
- hairfarmer@mindspring.com
- no homepage
- 1999-10-04 19:28:33
From "Hash". When Barney suspects the cause of everones eratic behaviour he digs a handfull out of the pan of brownies that
Wojo's girlfriend gave him to bring to work. Barney(to Nick):"How many of these did you eat?!" Nick:(pause)"Mooshy mooshy mooshy".
31 John White
- no email
- no homepage
- 1999-09-21 23:56:03
Harris is authorized to make a porno movie. 1) When everyones veiwing it,
the blind guy yells "hey down in front." 2) As the movie progresses, Harris
is seen to be in the movie. barney yell's "Harris!, and he simply replies
"Hitchcock did it."
30 david stein
- davstein@juno.com
- no homepage
- 1999-09-21 01:25:52
tenant complaining about poor condition of his apartment house. The rats
come around so often that i have given them names" Landlord:"i told you no
pets"
29 david stein
- davstein@juno.com
- no homepage
- 1999-09-21 01:23:47
episode unknown-Barney recognizes a protestor as a prostitute. she claims"17 arrests no convictions" Barney-"very commendiable"
28 Tami
- SiouxDoeNm@aol.com
- no homepage
- 1999-09-18 09:28:52
I don't know the episode, but after describing the Japanese soup Shabu-Shabu (with fish heads and celery tops), Yemana said: "Come to think of it, it IS garbage..."
27 Jeff
- couleyvex@aol.com
- no homepage
- 1999-09-11 08:10:39
From "The Prisoner" [Inspector Luger enters with "good news and bad news"
for Barney] Dietrich: "Those 'Good news, Bad news' jokes kill me..." Harris
(warily) "But you're not going to tell me one, are you?" Dietrich:
"No......that's the Good News..."
26 Erin VanBeck
- Evanbeck@execpc.com
- no homepage
- 1999-09-06 14:01:22
"Wojciehowicz? How do you spell that?" "Just like it sounds!"
25 Jeff
- couleyvex@aol.com
- no homepage
- 1999-09-05 16:54:48
From "The Ghost" [Nick returns from an investigation of a Pornographic
Bakery shop with the "evidence", and Barney asks him to open the box] Nick:
"...you'd better prepare yourself." Barney: "Nick, I'm a reasonably
sophisticated man; I don't think there's much that I haven't...(incredulous
look)...is that what I THINK it is??" Nick (nodding): "...Rye Bread!"
24 Jeff
- couleyvex@aol.com
- no homepage
- 1999-09-05 16:47:01
One for Levitt!! [From "The Indian"--Levett briefly forsakes brownnosing for
resignation to his lot as a uniformed cop, and Barney comments on his lack
of "gung-ho-ness"]: Levett: "...It's just that I've come to realize that
these little jaunts into the world of plainclothes are about as transient as
life itself" Barney: "Why, Levitt--that's almost...existential!" Levitt:
"Should I apologize for that, sir?" ////// [And later, when a victim (Alix
Elias) comments on the size of the "mugbook" she's presented with] Elias:
"Are those all sex offenders?" Levitt (weary resignation): "It's a sick
city, ma'am...and a big one." Elias: "...You sound bitter!" Levitt: "You
only go around once in this life...and there just isn't enough gusto for
everyone."
23 Jeff
- couleyvex@aol.com
- no homepage
- 1999-09-04 18:28:03
From "Child Stealers"---[Harris, acting on a tip from a "twinkie" claiming
to be a Sociology Professor from Columbia University who's traveled back in time from the year 2057 (played by the great character actor Richard
Libertini), calls his broker to transfer his assets from gold boullion to
the financial standard of the future--Zinc!!]: "...no, no blue chips,
either...I was thinking about Zinc! (pause) Yeah, Zinc! What's it goin for
these days? (writing the figure on a notepad)...Thirty seven and a half
cents---a POUND?? (The "Professor" gives Harris an encouraging nod)...Yeah, well, I might be willin' to spring for a coupla TONS!"
22 Jeff
- couleyvex@aol.com
- no homepage
- 1999-09-04 18:16:55
From "The Indian"--[Wojo questions Chief Ten Fingers, whom he has found in
the park]: Wojo: "Where do you live?" Ten Fingers: "Where you do...at the
Center of the Universe." Dietrich (strolling over to offer expert
commentary): "...He's referring to the old belief among Indians that the
center of the universe is wherever one happens to be at the
time...(pauses)...Unless you're in Jersey! (chuckles to himself) That's a
little white man's humor...(pause)...Just something else we owe you an
apology for!"
20 Jeff
- couleyvex@aol.com
- no homepage
- 1999-09-04 18:02:03
From "Guns"--[Inspector Luger is demoted and assigned to the Twelfth as a
captain; a frustrated Harris--who is mortified to discover who his partner
for the week is--recounts an all-night stakeout that forced him to spend an
entire night confined in a car with "the Old Inspector"]: "...And then,
listening to those SAME MORBID stories about how they GUNNED DOWN Foster and
BLEW UP Kleiner..." Barney (interrupting to correct Harris--obviously MUCH
more familiar with the story!): "No, No...gunned down KLEINER and blew up
FOSTER." Harris (wearily): "What-EV-er, Barn--the man is NOT fun to BE with!"
19 Jeff
- couleyvex@psu.edu
- no homepage
- 1999-09-04 17:47:16
From "The Kid"--[Nick advises patience]: "It's like my Grandfather used to
say(pauses, and assumes a profound expression): 'The anticipation of one's
dreams..is greater..than the realization of one's ambitions....unless one
blows it altogether!"
18 Jeff
- couleyvex@aol.com
- no homepage
- 1999-09-04 17:40:54
Unknown Episode---[Nick offers coffee to a victim in distress]---Woman:
"Don't you have anything stronger here?" Nick: "...There's NOTHING stronger
ANYWHERE!"
17 Jeff
- couleyvex@aol.com
- no homepage
- 1999-09-04 17:34:54
From "Appendicitis"---[Barney, ordering Nick to straighten out the file
cabinets]: Nick: "I've been planning to reorganize...it's just that I don't
know where to start." Barney (sarcastically): "Why don't you start with
'A'?" Nick (after a pause): "...Can't find it!"
16 Jeff
- couleyvex@aol.com
- no homepage
- 1999-09-04 17:29:50
From "Corporation"---[A Corporate Lawyer (played by David Dukes) for a Paper Company tries to justify his career path,
but ruminates regretfully over his decision not to follow his dreams and become a Major League baseball player] ".....Of course, they'll never put Warren Burger on a Bubble Gum card!"
15 Jeff
- couleyvex@aol.com
- no homepage
- 1999-09-04 17:24:22
From "Burial" [Dietrich explains the history of funeral customs] Dietrich:
"...Sometimes in ancient Egypt a kind would be buried with his wives." Wojo:
"...While they were still ALIVE?" Dietrich: "Yeah...kind of an incentive in
the next life. (Pauses to ruminate)...'Show me a sick king--Show ya a
nervous queen!' (chuckles to himself)...That was one of the first jokes!"
14 Jeff
- couleyvex@aol.com
- no homepage
- 1999-09-04 17:14:24
From "Thanksgiving" [Inspector Luger offers his Thanksgiving greetings to
Dietrich, who explains why he can't return the favor]: Dietrich: "You see,
Inspector, I'm an agnostic...hence the uncertainty about who specifically to
give thanks to..." Inspector (after a confused pause): "Yeah...well, you
wouldn't have that problem if Jerry Ford was still in the White House! So
don't take it out on me--I didn't vote for Mister Peanuts!"
13 Jeff
- couleyvex@aol.com
- no homepage
- 1999-09-04 17:09:22
From "Goodbye, Mr. Fish, pt. I": [Fish, scheduled to work his last shift,
leaves home the night before and still hasn't shown up at the squadroom the following afternoon] Dietrich: "I knew a guy one,
when he got depressed he'd go out walking...sometimes for hours. Once he was gone for three days."
Barney (reassurance in his voice): "Sure...and HE came back, right?"
Dietrich: "Yeah......tide brought him in..."
12 Jeff
- couleyvex@aol.com
- no homepage
- 1999-09-04 16:48:31
From a Fifth Season Episode [Christmastime; I think it's "Toys"]: Harris:
"SOMEBODY'S in a good mood...Hey--is that a new suit?" Barney: "Yeah!"
Harris: "Buying a new suit always puts me in a good mood, too. And I buy
suits all the TIME--it must give YOU a REAL rush!!"
11 Jeff
- couleyvex@aol.com
- no homepage
- 1999-09-04 16:42:06
From A Fifth Season Episode (not sure of the title): [A disgruntled
television viewer (played by Jay Gerber) vents his frustration, with
Dietrich nearby]: Gerber: "Television will never change...it'll always be
GARBAGE!" Dietrich: "Newton Minnow called it 'A Vast Wasteland'" Gerber
(after a moment of reflection): "Is he one of those little puppets on
'Sesame Street'?" Dietrich: "...Yeah!" Gerber: "I THOUGHT so..."
210 Jeff
- couleyvex@aol.com
- no homepage
- 1999-09-04 16:33:31
From "Hotel" [Wojo, explaining his father's work ethic] "My old man didn't
believe in holidays...He thought they were slothful. He used to say: 'If the
Lord can get up and move a rock, so can you!"
9 Jeff
- couleyvex@aol.com
- no homepage
- 1999-09-04 16:29:19
From "Jack Soo, A Retrospective" Steve Landesberg's lovely tribute to Jack
Soo: "On the set, Jack and I were like little kids...in the middle of a
scene there'd be something deadly serious going on and I'd be trying not to
laugh, and I'd look over at Jack's desk and his entire body would be
shaking...he'd just be shaking with laughter. He was my friend, and I'll
miss him."
8 Jeff
- couleyvex@aol.com
- no homepage
- 1999-09-04 16:22:23
From "Fire '77" [Nick is preparing a Japanese stew in a pot on the coffee
table, which Wojo opens] Wojo: (wincing) Blehhhch! Nick: Hey, what're you
doing? Wojo: What is...what IS this? Nick: That's my lunch! Wojo: It smells
like garbage... Nick: Garbage?! That's Japanese delicacy!! Fish
heads...cucumber rinds...cabbage leaves...celery tops...[Nick pauses for a
moment, and looks into the pot] ....Come to think of it, that IS garbage!
7 Jim Peeples
- jpeeples@mindless.com
- no homepage
- 1999-09-03 19:53:30
From Quarantine: Barney wakes up and answers the phone, and asks the doctor "What is it? Chicken or Little? Er, small?"
6 Ellen Hanratty
- medhawk@milwpc.com
- no homepage
- 1999-09-03 13:28:37
Fish's response to the comment about hearing being the first thing to go as
one ages: "Not according to Bernice."
5 Deborah Peeples
- no email
- no homepage
- 1999-09-03 12:44:26
From "Appendicitis": Dietrich: "That was Regina Gregory on the phone. I told her that you would call her back when you got out of the bathroom."
Harris: "You told her I was in the BATHROOM?" Dietrich: "Well, that's where you were." Harris: "I KNOW! But that's no reason to go destroying people's
illusions!" Dietrich: "Oh, I'm sorry....I thought she KNEW!"
4 Deborah Wong
- deb_wong@hotmail.com
- www.debwong.com
- 1999-09-03 12:43:25
From "Dietrich's Dilemma": Lady: "Blackjack...dice...slot machine.... no
good ever comes from this!" Nick: "You gotta APPLY yourself!"
HOME |
|