- farialee@aol.com
- no homepage
- 2001-03-26 19:05:36
To number 195....Wojo was NOT impotent...but sterile. In other
words...he COULD have sex, but he was shooting blanks.
195 rich
- no email
- no homepage
- 2001-03-23 18:31:49
A woman claimed Wojo was her child's father and filed a palimony suit
against him. The results of a sperm test not only showed that Wojo was not
the father, but also that he was impotent. When Levitt heard this, he
exclaimed, "What? But, but... you're so... big!"
In response, Wojo said "That's got nothing to do with it!"
194 tim cox
- cox44@hotmail.com
- no homepage
- 2001-03-23 04:19:49
if you're a real fan, you won't need a setup. it was the episode where
Dietrich says to Barney, "Do you want me to mime her her rights?" Write me
if you remember the episode.
193 Rick Wigington
- stugots19@webtv.net
- no homepage
- 2001-03-23 03:37:49
Levitt (in drag for mugging detail) is discovered to be the "Field
Associate." After taking shots from the squad, he turns to the
yet-unheard-from Dietrich and asks him if he wants to say something. Without
hesitation "DD" snaps, "You're an ugly broad!"
192 Rhett Butler (really)
- RHETTRO88@aol.com
- no homepage
- 2001-03-23 02:37:32
Barney Miller is one of my favorite TV shows. Actually, I'd never
heard of it before TV Land added them to their mix. (I was born in 1983) Now
I watch it regularly and love it.
My favorite quote is:
Barney- (Holding "fresh" sup of coffee, with Nick beside him holding
the pot) "I would hesitate to call our coffee a crime. A shame, maybe.
(Drinks) Oh, that's a crime!"
And...in the episode where one of the two homosexual men is pouring a
cup of coffee, and is commenting on how he washed all the green mildew off
the cups, and Nick says, "Oh, I thought it was a pattern."
And, finally, when Nick gets a call, a report for a stolen car, a '66
Studebaker with multicolor body panels, he says,"Maybe no one stole it.
Maybe it just ran away."
I love the show. Great site!
1190 doc
- no email
- no homepage
- 2001-03-20 07:15:28
Harris is talking about his second job as a hotel security
captain. Nick looks up from his racing form and says "I could never work a
second job. I'm under too much pressure here."
189 rich
- no email
- no homepage
- 2001-03-19 18:51:26
Barney was being sent to jail on "Contempt" charges because he
would not reveal the name of an informant. Levitt prepared a sack of
important items for Barney's stay in jail. Barney reached in the bag and
pulled out a "soap-on-a-roap" and asked Levitt, "What's this for?" Levitt,
with a know-what-I-mean look on his face, said, "So you won't LOSE it, sir."
(First time I saw that episode, I laughed so hard I thought I
was going to have an accident.)
188 Linda
- LKimmelman@excite.com
- no homepage
- 2001-03-19 07:03:48
Thanks to TV Land, I'm o.d.ing this weekend on Barney Miller.
The whole show was fantastic from start to finish. My personal
favorite was Diedrich, but all the guys were great.
The hash episode was the best, with Yemana answering the phone with "Mushi mushi." Also, the erotic pastry episode was a hoot.
187 Scott Hall
- no email
- no homepage
- 2001-03-18 16:52:59
The hash episode when Yemana asks Harris to blink twice and
says, "I heard that....squish, squish". Same episode when Barney asks Harris to take Yemana home and says, "Better not drive, take a bus." To which Harris replies, "Barney, If I can't drive a car, I probably shouldn't drive a bus".
186 Kristyn
- Illya1965@hotmail.com
- no homepage
- 2001-03-18 15:19:21
Anything that Dietrich says...
The episode where a man with dynamite strapped to him wants to
blow up the 12th, and Barney has to talk him down. Steve Lansenburg guest
starred as a phoney priest. The bomber asked him before he left for final
absolution.... in classic Dietrich tone:
"you got it.."
185 Sonja Lee
- no email
- no homepage
- 2001-03-18 15:13:33
Inspector Luger trying to help out Dietrich when Scanlon is
inquiring about him being arrested. Luger, "DD I mean Dietrich is just a
victim of circumstance, He was just in the wrong place, at the wrong time,
doing the wrong thing."
184 Lary Lizewski
- larrylizewski2000@yahoo.com
- no homepage
- 2001-03-18 02:21:18
Harris is in the mens room when he receives a phone call from a
woman that Diedrich answers. When Harris gets out Dietrich tells him a lady had called for him. Harris asks Diedrich what he told her and Dietrich says, "I told her you were in the bathroom." Harris gets visibly upset and then Diedrich says, "I'm sorry. I thought she knew."
183 Rob Kennedy
- RobKen1999@aol.com
- no homepage
- 2001-03-15 12:14:39
The episode where Harris and Nick have the competition on who
can give up their vices the longest (Harris: smoking, Nick: gambling). At
the end of the episode, a couple that had just worked out their problems
left the 12th precinct. Nick said, offhand, "Ya know, I bet they make it."
Harris said, "I bet they don't." Nice replied immediately, "You're on!" and
an even quicker Harris came back with "You LOSE!", and with a trademark Harris expression lit up a smoke.
Great ending to a great episode.
182 Gale Miller (no relation)
- cdz@ronan.net
- no homepage
- 2001-03-13 20:52:47
Billings, Montana : like Cleveland with sheep
91 180 Sonja Lee
- scbock@dodgenet.com
- no homepage
- 2001-03-12 01:54:46
How about when Harris finally shaves off his mustache to dress
as a woman decoy. In the end he comes out looking breath-taking all of the guys are amazed. Dietrich is saying " Did you ever see the movie, Laura?" Harris, No. Dietrich, "Its about a police officer who is obsessed with a woman he cant have." Got to love it.
179 Sonja Lee
- scbock@dodgenet.com
- no homepage
- 2001-03-12 01:33:42
I am the biggest Barney fan. Not exact quotes here but I also
loved the "hash" episode! Nick was the best. I love all the ones listed but
remember when the Japenese Hooker makes a date with him on Christmas eve and
he asks Harris which pencils in pocket protector look the best.
Deitrich getting falsely accused of sexually harrassing a woman
who was really just lonely. As she sets by Wojos desk to press charges
Harris walks in and she looks at him and says Hi, he says "No way not me
lady".
Anything Fish says.
I get Barney 3 times a day I will be back. The kidnapping
episode with Marcia the hooker was great!
178 Perry Ramsey
- pramsey_REMOVETHIS@iname.com
- no homepage
- 2001-03-09 00:12:37
Scanlon was trying to impress Barney with his importance. "I
have the respect of every deviant and hooker from Times Square to the
Village -- can you say that?!" Barney: "Well, no."
177 Rick Visca
- rvisca@justice.gc.ca
- no homepage
- 2001-03-07 14:31:07
Luger is asking the officers for some bio info so that if they
are hurt or killed in the line of duty, he will have a press release ready.
He asks Dietrich. The camera returns to Dietrich some time later, where he
is saying something like: "And by my late teens the early writings of
Schopenhauer and Kant dominated my epistimological outlook, almost to the
point of excluding all other viewpoints..." Luger stops Dietrich and says:
"I asked if you had any pets."
176 HAAS
- HAAS_82@HOTMAIL.COM
- no homepage
- 2001-03-06 02:39:56
Inspector Lugar saying " Poppy cock Barney" !!
175 John Galbraith
- mustangj36@cs.com
- no homepage
- 2001-02-24 03:50:58
Right after Jimmy Carter was elected President, there was an
episide that had a newly appointed federal government official in the
precinct for some reason, don't remember why. He was obviously from the
South and Barney commented about his accent, to which the man replied, "WE
no longer have accents. YOU do."
174 LaVeeda Newsome
- laveedanewsome@africana.com
- no homepage
- 2001-02-18 19:31:23
My favorite quote comes from the "Heat Wave" episode. Wentworth
comes into the precinct just having caught a robbery suspect. Everyone tries
to tell her he's a faker, but she's too busy gloating. When she finally
discovers the truth, she vents her frustrations (a few choice words) into a
paper bsg.
"Do you know what you are? You're a #$!$#...that's what you
are!" Pure comedy!
173 craig
- mc_916@hotmail.com
- no homepage
- 2001-02-13 09:22:12
HAVE ALL YOU BARNEY MILLER FANS NOTICED WHICH I KNOW YOU HAVE
THAT MOST OF THE CRIMES ARE ON LEXINGTON AVE AND OTHER COMMON STREETS IN NYC. THE CAST USES MOST THE SAME STREETS OVER AND OVER
172 Dwight Delarge
- ddelarge@ali-aba.org
- no homepage
- 2001-02-09 00:51:18
that' not a squint, this is a squint.
hey, where'd you get the atom bomb
171 John
- shallremainanon@excite.com
- no homepage
- 2001-02-01 17:26:32
It has to be here...
It's during the Hash episode and Yemana is pretty far gone. He
walks into the shot, looks around and perfectly says, "Has anyone seen my
legs? They're about this long..."
170 Farialee
- farialee@aol.com
- no homepage
- 2001-01-29 03:29:54
I am just discovering Barney Miller via TVLand reruns and find
both the writing and acting excellent. One of my favorite lines is from an
episode titled *The Tunnel*. An bank robber attempt escape through a tunnel
he had dung beneath the building which promply collapses as Wojo charges
after him. After both were rescued and the robber brought to the *old
one-two* one of the other detectives remarked upon the shoddy workmanship of
the tunnel. The robber, after giving Wojo a rather scathing up and down
glare, snapped "When I dug it out I didn't think about the Incredible Hulk!"
BTW...I've noticed that about Barney Miller..., even the one
time guest actors and actresses were given terrific lines.
169 Aaron
- no email
- no homepage
- 2001-01-25 03:27:52
An episode where the suspect gets away from Harris in the Squad
room and starts runnning. Harris yells, "Freeze it honkey, or I'll blow you
to Milwaukee." After Barney stares at him, Harris replies," Well, it almost
rhymes."
168 Gale Miller (no relation)
- cdz@ronan.net
- no homepage
- 2001-01-24 20:15:27
A woman has just o.d'd on a bottle of sleeping pills in the
squadroom. Wojo gets off the phone with the paramedics and says "They'll be
here in 10 minutes but in the meantime we have to get her to empty her
stomach. You know, ack chunk" Barney says "Nick" Yemana says "Yeah I know.
Give her some coffee". Barney says "Just keep pouring it down her". Wojo
looks at Yemana and says "Two cups ought to do it".
167 Mark Bailey
- CptColumbo@aol.com
- no homepage
- 2001-01-22 03:48:47
My favorite Harris expression, for the ambulance to Bellevue:
"Courtesy Bus to the Hotel Silly."
166 Mark Bailey
- CptColumbo@aol.com
- no homepage
- 2001-01-21 09:37:29
I don't remember the episode title, but a man who had been a
shut in since WWII asked "who won?" To which Yemana replied "we did."
165 Gale Miller (no relation)
- cdz@ronan.net
- no homepage
- 2001-01-21 02:32:10
From the Vigilante episode. Wojo arrests a man in drag (with red
wig) who says he is a former marine.
Wojo says "Marine, hah. Marine O'Hara"
156 trace
- ttracy63@hotmail.com
- no homepage
- 2001-01-10 22:34:03
In response to #142, the episode was one in which the character
Neil Spencer (James(?)Cromwell, an oft-seen character actor who I believe
may have been nominated for an Oscar or Emmy recently?) appears at the
precinct representing his employer, the US Dept. of Energy which has assumed
ownership of a strip club. Cromwell is labeled "Filth" as he introduces
himself to the complainant.
155 trace
- ttracy63@hotmail.com
- no homepage
- 2001-01-10 22:26:26
A near-deaf man, Mr. Newell, is arrested for attempting to rob a
hearing aid store. Nick gives him a cup of coffee. Newell:"This is
atrocious." Nick: "I'll pretend I didn't hear that."
154 Gale Miller (no relation)
- cdz@ronan.net
- no homepage
- 2000-12-12 20:14:23
This episode is where Inspector Luger has a heart attack while
arguing with a 60's radical. He lays in
Barney's office awaiting the ambulance and whines about "Ol'
Brownie". He tells Barney to "yank those tubes and pull that plug if he ever
got like that". Barney assures he will to quiet him down. "But first" says
Luger "Make sure there's no hope. Remember Barney, you're a cop, not a
doctor".
153 Rich Kilbourne
- richkil@yahoo.com
- no homepage
- 2000-12-06 03:52:43
I second John Galbraith's(Kenneth? frequency?) selection (see
#112)...Dietrich's "reasonably priced" line is perhaps the funniest sitcom
line ever written; and made more so by the brilliant comic timing of Steve
Landesberg.
152 Miles
- milescorn@hotmail.com
- no homepage
- 2000-12-03 07:00:58
In this episode, they get a phone call that a santa has been
mugged,someone says " How horrible, can you imagine that mugging a Santa on
Christmas Eve" As Fish put's on his coat all he does is smile.
151 Gale Miller (no relation)
- cdz@ronan.net
- no homepage
- 2000-12-02 22:52:48
I don't remember which episode this was, but a Hispanic was
being released. Chano hands him his comb and tells him to "sign for your
valuble".
150 denny sanchez
- sandwichking@onemain.com
- no homepage
- 2000-12-02 21:09:47
wojo says to nick"I forgot the combination to the safe, what is
it NICK:1 to the left 2 to the right 3 to the left 4 to the right.HILARIOUS
149 denny sanchez
- sandwichking@onemain.com
- no homepage
- 2000-12-02 20:44:29
"JUST LIKE IT SOUNDS WOJOHOWIECZ"
148 Ernest Jackson
- edjackson@gw5.uabmc.edu
- no homepage
- 2000-11-28 08:51:16
The hash episode, when Barney asks Harris if he can still
function. Harris replies, "Hey man, Shaaarp as a tack".
147 Gale Miller (no relation)
- cdz@ronan.net
- no homepage
- 2000-11-27 21:58:35
One of my all time favorite episodes is "Fire 77" in which a
felon sets the men's room on fire. The firemen have left water all over the
squad room. Yemana is about to sit down when Barney says "Nick, you better check for water damage". Yemana jumps up
"It's too late". Great episode
146 lyn
- lyn@auntiemomo.com
- http://www.auntiemomo.com/cakeordeath
- 2000-11-27 20:40:57
The final episode, Inspector Luger talking about his Filipino
fiance and wondering if he could live with her "funny, filipino ways"...and
he makes little quote signs with his fingers.
Being filipino, I definitely know what he's talking
about...heehee...
145 LaLa Piranha
- lala@iquest.net
- http://www.harwoodhaven.com
- 2000-11-27 14:30:51
I don't know the episode name, but it deals with a once-great
robber who had a type of lobotomy and was living at a half-way house for
mental patients. Wojo delivers this news to Barney and refers to the home as the "Waldorf Hysteria" .
After a 'look' from Barney, Wojo dejectedly replies, "Well,
Harris gets away with It."
144 George
- gpl20@juno.com
- no homepage
- 2000-11-27 13:47:09
Episode 46 "Hash". Most hilarious episode ever.
Nick comes out of Barney's office and asks...
"Anybosy seen my legs? They are about this long...ten toes, one
of them broken, looks like this..." GREAT SHOW. Many memorable lines...
143 johnny blazer
- usnjohn62@aol.com
- no homepage
- 2000-11-27 02:31:33
My favorite quote is one word. Don't know the episode but the
plot was I believe senior citizens protesting some sort of adult
entertainment. One eldery gentlemen that was arrested upon being greeted by Barney, says with rightous indignation "FILTH".
142 Rust woman
- no email
- no homepage
- 2000-11-22 22:37:18
I love the whole episode with the guy from the future (The Child
Stealers) and several of my favorite quotes from it have already been
mentioned. Here's two more -- the gay couple that makes several appearances are in this show and the Professor tells Harris that our culture came to embrace gays because they helped keep the population growth down. Marty smiles.
Then at some point a lawyer comes into the squad room and the
Professor says "Oh yeah, I forgot you still had those," and Harris asks what do they have now. And the Professor says "Real Estate agents handle everything."
141 george
- no email
- no homepage
- 2000-11-18 03:43:58
Involved an interview between Fish and a female victim of an
assault// Fish asked if there were any distiguishing characteristics of her
assailant and the woman stated he had a scar on his shoe. Fish remarked... lady thats a scuff mark.
140 paul duncan
- kadunk@webtv.net
- no homepage
- 2000-11-13 06:14:13
nick showing displeasure after wojo stomps a cock roach ...nick
says he used to watch the roach climb up the table leg and try to steal a
sugar cube. wojo tells nick that they are dirty filthy little things . nick
says "I KNOW BUT ITS THE CLOSEST I HAVE COME TO OWNING A PET ! GOD BLESS THE
BARNEY MILLER SHOW !
139 john walker
- jwalker22316194@aol.com
- no homepage
- 2000-11-10 19:54:39
wojo arrests a man who thinks hes a warewolf when he comes into the squad room hes asks barney if he should put down papers in the cage.
138 Amy Anderson
- zoeyszoo@earthlink.net
- no homepage
- 2000-11-10 18:39:27
From "Voice Analyzer," during Dietrich's polygraph:
EXAMINER: Name?
DIETRICH: Arthur P. Dietrich.
EXAMINER: What's the "P" stand for?
DIETRICH: I was never told.
137 Anil Singh
- no email
- no homepage
- 2000-11-08 20:17:34
Harris an Dietrich, having pulled in a shotgun wielding
gold-hoarder, discuss the impending global economic crash.
Harris: Well, I'm not wholly unprepared for such eventualities.
You see I have a rather [something] portfolio...
Dietrich: Oh yeah? Whatcha got?
Harris: Blue Chip stocks, Triple A Bonds -
Dietrich: Oh, no I oh...[face in hands]
Harris: What's wrong with that?
Dietrich: Well what you've got is just paper. Most economists
say that'll be worthless.
Harris: So what do you reccommend, huh Dietrich?
Dietrich: Got any gold?
Harris: Sure! Cufflinks!
Dietrich: [Laughs hard, then deadpans] Keep your sense of humor
about it. [Walks off]
136 Joe Arluck
- jaarluck@home.com
- no homepage
- 2000-11-06 02:50:14
I don't remember the episode, but Levitt was to escort a rather
large prisoner downstairs. The prisoner down at him and says something like "What's he going to do if I try and escape." Harris says in an offhand
manner, "He'll just shoot you down like he did the last time." Levitt stands
up streight and says, "let's go" and the prisoner moves along quietly
Great show that I really miss.
135 Gale Miller (no relation)
- cdz@ronan.net
- no homepage
- 2000-11-04 19:36:13
I always loved the terms Harris used for Bellvue. "Twinkie
Mobile", "Enchanted Kingdom", "ship movements to Fantasy Island". One time they had to deal with a woman hooked on soap operas that reported her neighbors doing the same things on the soaps. Harris asks Barney if he should call General Hospital.
134 Gregg Hamilton
- gregg.hamilton@veritas.com
- no homepage
- 2000-11-02 18:24:10
I believe the episode was "The Doll" (#144). [Dietrich is having
a phlosophical conversation with a man arrested for selling Space Shuttle
rides to Saturn.] As the man is on his way out the door with the boys from
Bellview, Dietrich asks, "So if Saturn is Heaven, then Hell must be ... ?"
The man nods his head sadly and responds, "Philadelphia."
133 diane
- no email
- no homepage
- 2000-10-27 23:06:16
Ok. I've read through all 14 pages of great quotes, but I don't
see my favorite. Please forgive my spelling.
Wojo is supposed to fly a prisoner for extradition, but he
spends the whole episode trying to get out of it because he is afraid to
fly. As he is about to leave for the airport at the end of the episode, Nick
hands him a dollar and tells him to buy a life insurance policy naming Nick
as the beneficiary. Wojo actually looks relieved when Nick tells him, "I've
never won a long shot in my life."
132 MZ
- no email
- no homepage
- 2000-10-27 21:00:36
I forgot which episode but Harris and Deitrich were out checking
a disturbace and they get shot at. Dispatch gets the news and calls the
detective's room and Wojo answers the phone. Upon hearing the news,
obviously distraught, he asks Cogan if they were o.k. Cogan I guess goes on about how it happened and Wojo screams:
"Who cares if they were checking out a disturbance!! Are they
o.k.?" I guess Cogan assures him that they were o.k. and says something
else. Wojo still upset responds by saying,
"...think a minute Cogan, that should have been the first thing
out of your mouth!!!"
At this point Barney hears the conversation and and comes out of
his office and asks, "What's going on?" Wojo while still on the phone,
"Harris and Deitrich were shot at."
Barney with a worried look on his face, "Are they o.k.?"
Wojo replies, "Well, they were checking out a disturbance..."
Barney irritated, "Wojo!!!!"
Then Wojo replies, "Yeah yeah they are fine.."
Barney, with a sigh of relief says "Thank God". Then Wojo goes,
handing the phone to Barney, "Cogan will fill you in with the details...as
soon as he finishes laughing..."
Great show...
131 Joe
- no email
- no homepage
- 2000-10-24 01:07:22
Community Relations episode Harris says to Mr Roth the blind man Hey I guess it's true what they say you know, that the loss of the senses makes the remaining ones sharper and more perceptive. Mr Roth replies sure it does. from the sound of your voice I can tellthat you're over six feet tall and you're a chain smoker Then Yemana ask Mr Roth How do I feel? Mr. Roth says You? you feel very cool and very collected.you got a lot of personal disipline and your very intelligent. Either that or you're Japanese
130 Gale Miller (no relation)
- cdz@ronan.net
- no homepage
- 2000-10-22 03:10:29
I don't remember the episode. A drunk in the cage asks
Yemana "When do I get my phone call?" Yemana tells him "You'll get it".
Suddenly the phone rings and Yemana says "I think that might be it there".
129 Hal Lane
- Hal@nedniL.com
- http://WWW.nedniLstudio.com
- 2000-10-08 05:33:04
I liked when Soo said, "Awooja Awooja A'wo'waa"
Ol Jack was a great guy.
128 julie wesley
- julie.wesley@verizonwireless.com
- no homepage
- 2000-10-04 14:58:03
help - what is the last line from the last show?
127 Neil J. Cornacchio
- neilneil122@yahoo.com
- no homepage
- 2000-10-04 02:03:13
A U.S. Army recrutment officer looks at Nick and say's
"WHY WOULD ANYBODY WANT TO BLOW UP A U.S. MILLITARY INSTALTION". And Nick say's "OH I DON'T KNOW, NOSTALIGA MAYBE?". That line makes me laugh all the
time.
126 Sunstar
- no email
- no homepage
- 2000-10-03 00:52:08
I don't remember which one this is from, but it always
makes me laugh.
Chano and Yemana are discussing how Barney broke his foot.
Yemana suggests that mabye he was biting his toenails. Chano gives him an incredulous look and says "you crazy man, who bites their toenails?" Yemana says, "Kids do!" Chano says "That man is a captian in the new york police department!" Yemana looks offended and says, "I know, but sometimes old habits are hard to break."
Sure Genious
125 Scott
- no email
- no homepage
- 2000-09-22 02:33:16
Levitt, in describing an Amish mugging victim (Corey
Miller) to Barney: "You know - the people with the folksey ways."
A gem of a show that has been missed for 18 long years.
124 Laurel
- no email
- no homepage
- 2000-09-13 05:01:20
Harris is undercover as a female. He turns in his bill or
is talking to Barney about the dress and the alterations he needs. Barney is surprised that alterations are needed. Harris "I don't buy off the rack."
123 Steve Larson
- smlarson52@hotmail.com
- no homepage
- 2000-09-10 01:43:45
Harris comes strolling in one morning in all his sartorial
splendour to find a squadroom reeking with suspects fished out of the sewer. Harris wrinkles his nose and comments, "Why is it that when I feel so good, everything has to smell so bad?"
122 Steve Larson
- smlarson52@hotmail.com
- no homepage
- 2000-09-10 01:40:30
Another Harrisism: Harris was complaining about something.
Wojo sanctimoniously intoned, "I complained that I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet." Harris glared at Wojo and snapped, "Is HE out there
again?"
121 Steve Larson
- smlarson52@hotmail.com
- no homepage
- 2000-09-10 01:36:22
I noticed that someone commented that Barney Miller had
never been syndicated. Actually, the first time we ever saw BM was in
syndication in Central Illinois. This, however, was several years ago. I do however, remember some great lines, including this situation involving Ron Harris: Harris was taking a statement from a black physician who believed that a voodoo curse had been put on him. After listening with growing incredulity, Harris finally exclaimed, in disgust, "Contributions to
stereotype are NOT tax deductible!"
120 Linda
- brynna@email.com
- no homepage
- 2000-09-05 14:14:09
Don't know the name of the show, but it's one where
they're booking a pickpocket. The man complains to Wojo about how much trouble it is to get into tight-fitting jeans. Wojo grins and says "I know
what you mean."
119 Bethanie
- bethanie@siu.edu
- no homepage
- 2000-09-03 17:55:15
Well, Jeff beat me to it with the "tide brought him in"
comment. But I also loved the episode with the guy who thought he was going to spontaneously combust. He meets a woman while in the holding cell who is very turned on by the idea that he could burst into flames while having sex. As she leaves, he asks for her phone number. She writes it down... on a matchbook cover... and hands it to him. "Nice touch," he says. My other favorite is How I became a Hooker. (I don't remember the character's name.) But she says she used to go on dates and the next day the guy would send a gift, you know, flowers, candy... televisions. And they always included the receipt so she could return it. After a while, she got tired of returning merchandise and just asked for the cash instead... And the look on Wojo's face when she explained this... God, what a great show! Oh, one other: the guy who thought that a Succubus was raping him in his sleep. They put him in the holding cell and watch with astonishment as he falls asleep and has what seems like a very erotic experience. He wakes up, drained, to find them all staring him in silence. Dietrich wordlessly offers him a cigarette, which he
takes gratefully. Such a fantastic show.
118 Mark
- alpahacen@bun.com
- no homepage
- 2000-09-02 16:48:40
The show featured a German girl, who had changed her mind
about giving her bady up for adoption.
Wojo brings in the lawyer of the couple and turns to
Barney " This is him, I picked him up at 3rd and Elm."
To which Nick replies to a woman seated at his desk " Hey
thats two blocks from where I live."
Wojo continues " You wanna see his place Barn, full of
babies, its like there ready to hatch."
Nick looks back at the woman and smiles " Oh course I
don't get out that much."
Wonderful comedy
117 pete
- no email
- no homepage
- 2000-08-27 02:22:59
A diehard Barney Miller fan there are endless quotes and
quips that I will always crack a smile over. But one that just struck me
funny was between Deitrich and Barney. Barney was doing a crossword puzzle and was stumped on "Occupation on a floss". After giving him the answer (Miller), Dietrich then proceeds to ask Barney if he needs help with 33 Down: _____ Google (Barney).
116 Kevin Ryman
- kryman@erols.com
- no homepage
- 2000-08-19 00:18:18
A couple classics from Yemana.
An army recruiter comes into the station to report a bomb
threat against the recruiting station. Yemana sensing the hostility the
recruiter feels toward him can't resist volunteering to take his statement.
Recruiter: "I don't get it. Why would anyone want to blow up a U.S. Military
installation?" Yemana: "Nostalgia"
Another episode, Yemana is kicked back at his desk reading
the racing form. Barney comes by and looks at him. Barney: "Don't you have
anything better to do?". Yemana: "Nope" Barney: "You could straighten up the files." Yemana: "You said better, not different."
And a classic delivered to Nick. Nick asks a lady if she
would like some coffee. No the lady says, I can't drink coffee. She picks up
the coffee cup in front of her and says "I will take some more of this". The
line is good, but what kills is the look on Nick's face.
Jack Soo was a great actor and his death was a great loss
to the show. The tribute show to him was a great send off.
115 Kevin Ryman
- kryman@erols.com
- no homepage
- 2000-08-19 00:07:27
A classic from Luger. A wife is in reporting her husband
has been kidnapped. Barney tries to assure her that everything will be all
right. Luger: I wouldn't be too sure about that. Remember when they put the
snatch on Zero Zechetti. Remember how they returned him. Mason jars, Barn, mason jars" This line was especially funny because of the gesture Luger used. A mime of screwing a cap on a mason jar.
114 Bill Wilson
- wmewilson@ga.prestige.net
- no homepage
- 2000-08-09 14:55:08
Jack Dodson played a silverware salesman and he was trying
to get a sale through Yemana. Yemana declined, stating, "I could never get
the hang of it."
113 John Galbraith
- mustangj36@cs.com
- no homepage
- 2000-07-31 03:46:34
Roscoe Lee Brown plays a federal prisoner who's an
accomplished escape artist. Before being taken away to a new "escape proof" prison he trades literary quotes with Barney and Harris. After he's gone, Wojo says to Harris, "Where'd you learn all that stuff?", to which Harris replies, "Man, when I was a kid, I stole BOOKS!"
112 John Galbraith
- mustangj36@cs.com
- no homepage
- 2000-07-30 16:48:01
Dietreich and one of the other detectives have just
brought in the owners of a mom and pop porno store. There's a box of
evidence on the desk and Barney looks inside. He points at something in the box and says "What the hell is that?". Deitreich looks in and says, "I don't know, but it's reasonably priced."
111 Howard Mazur
- howardmazur@onebox.com
- no homepage
- 2000-07-24 03:28:31
I liked the atomic bomb one, too. I like it when Dietrich
tells the guy hauling away the bomb without plutonium:
"Be care with that, will ya"
"I thought you said it wasn't dangerous."
"You could drop it on your foot"
or when Fish sent the lady after him to the fire station
and Barney asking him about it, replies
Why not, she's in heat, isn't she."
or the guy from the future:
saying
A. Dietrich; not Arthur Dietrich" shakes his hand and
tells him what a great honor it is to meet him.
Or Wojo talking about obviously Harris, talking about
people throwing up their knowledge, and wearing designer suits and Dietrich
replies:
"...off the rack, I swear."
or the NRA guy talking about how gun registration is the
first step, then they'll come out you, your house and then "your wife" and
the suppressed housewife lets out a shudder.
Great show! I'd just loved the character Dietrich!
110 Adrienne deVergie
- adeevergie@mail.law.utexas.edu
- no homepage
- 2000-07-13 19:10:16
Without equivocation, Barney Miller was my favorite
comedy series for all the years it lasted. I
remember I cried when Landmark II was over. Yet I
always assumed that it would go into syndication. To
this day I wonder why it didn't. I remember when
TVland was inaugurated, there was one delicious
episode of BM, that raised my hopes, but alas, it
was the only one. Like Homicide and other truly
special series, I miss the characters who became
part of my family. Why, oh why can't it come back??
If I could remember favorite quotes like the people
here can, I would surely send one. God love BM!
109 rich
- no email
- no homepage
- 2000-07-12 00:42:55
3 scenes from episode where black youth is arrested
with drug money. 1. HARRIS commenting to Barney, "What a shame, a bright kid going to waste." BARNEY: kinda reminds you of yourself as a kid?" HARRIS, looking at Barney with exasperation, "No Barney, I was always as you see me now.". 2. DIETRICH is smiling at the kid. The kid says, "What are you looking at, honkey?" DIETRICH replies straight-faced, "Honkey - a term from Harlem in 1950's to describe the nasal sound of Caucasians' voice." KID, looking suspicious: "Don't mess with me.". The finale of the show.. The kid is taunting Harris about the money and possessions he has compared to Harris. HARRIS: "Oh yeah, well I have something you'll never have." KID: "What's that?" HARRIS: "Credit, and you're nobody until you can sign your
name with pride."
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