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YOUR FAVORITE BARNEY MILLER QUOTES, ARCHIVEs PAGE 1
  
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Tuesday 02/01/2011 4:40:44pm
Name: Dominick S.
Homepage: http://none yet
City/Country: Bronx
Favorite Barney Miller Character/Actor: nick yemana, Harris
Favorite Barney Miller Show Quote: You dirty rat episode, where nick is explaining to Barney how fish chased down a perp and not able to remember the name of the animal to which fish reminded him.... Says to Barney " you should have seen him catch him, He leaped in the air like... what do you call that thing in africa that leaps in the air".... and as Harris walks by he says nonchalantly, A slave...to which Barney says to Nick you mean a gazelle....
E-mail dscape98@aol.com

 

Wednesday 09/01/2010 6:26:53pm
Name: Frank Moe
Homepage:
City/Country: Florissant, CO USA
Favorite Barney Miller Character/Actor: Dietrich
Favorite Barney Miller Show Quote: Luger and the "mason jars" line. Just 1 of about a million.
E-mail frank.moe@gmail.com

Monday 06/14/2010 11:34:18am
Name: jd
Homepage:
City/Country: ukiah, ca
Favorite Barney Miller Character/Actor: Levitt and Lueger but all of them
Favorite Barney Miller Show Quote: I really liked the character from last nites broadcast on WGN, I really hope they show the whole series again before replacing it like with WKRP, Anyway, this guy has a wooden leg and read poetry to the elderly his interactions with Harris in the first section were hilarious, later he asks Lueger's mail order bride, "I'll marry you" but get's shot down and at the end when Lueger and the girl open the door to start there life together he's waiting on the other side asking if they patched things up. Another very funny character on an excellent show. I do wish Levitt get's the promotion to detective before the end or the series and Harris get's his writing career back and...well we'll see only eight more left!
E-mail

Saturday 06/05/2010 10:38:33pm
Name: Terry
Homepage: http://none
City/Country: Phoenix, AZ
Favorite Barney Miller Character/Actor: Harris
Favorite Barney Miller Show Quote: There are two, I believe from the same episode. Doris Roberts enters saying "Captain Miller, Captain Miller he's at it again" To which Barney not recognizing her says "He is, well how consistant of him." Later, Michael Conrad arrested for recruitiing mercenaries asks Harris if he wants to join because its going to be a lot of fun, Harris looks at him and says "I can't wear khaki."
E-mail las_vegan@hotmail.com

Thursday 04/29/2010 8:29:51pm
Name: Digsma
Homepage:
City/Country: Michigan
Favorite Barney Miller Character/Actor: Dietrich
Favorite Barney Miller Show Quote: All those previously mentioned!
And this one: Mr. Driscoll has just finished washing all the coffee cups, and says something about cleaning off all the old coffee stains. Nick stares at the spotless cups in disbelief and deadpans "I thought it was pattern."
E-mail

Thursday 04/29/2010 11:57:42am
Name: D.Snow
Homepage:
City/Country: Fort Worth, TX
Favorite Barney Miller Character/Actor: Arthur Deitrich (Steve Landesburg)
Favorite Barney Miller Show Quote: A society woman who had been robbed was harassed by Internal Affairs Lieutenant Scandlin. When the woman returned to the squad room and told Capt. Miller of the harassment she asked, "He does belong to you doesn't he?" Wojo, standing nearby replied, "He does now."
E-mail derek.snow@tx.rr.com

Tuesday 04/20/2010 9:38:52am
Name: Bill
Homepage: http://None as yet
City/Country: Pittsburgh, PA
Favorite Barney Miller Character/Actor: Wojo, Dietrich, Barney
Favorite Barney Miller Show Quote: Later episode where guys confisticated a mild-manner gun collector's (Jack Dodson, Howard Sprague from "Andy Griffith Show") collection, & Wojo, placing a confisticated bazooka on his shoulder, leans into Barney's office (with the bazooka aimed directly at Barney) says to Barney:
"Hey Barn, about that raise..." I laffed my posterior off at that quote...
E-mail gwynplaine@usa.com

Monday 02/08/2010 12:46:45am
Name: Frank D
Homepage:
City/Country: USA
Favorite Barney Miller Character/Actor: Deitrich
Favorite Barney Miller Show Quote: There was a few. Fish saying he has no circulation. I am pretty sure it was followed with, "Where ever my blood is... it's there!" They might have borrowed the same line for the FISH TV show.

Had to the gay guy Marty who was beaten up. Barney was asking him for what cause. "Being unique."

Also the episode when Nick was taking a shine to Marty because he could make such great coffee using the same ingredients he does.

One time Barney was asking where did they get brown sugar for the coffee? Then the hilarious suspicion that it might be not sugar. I always presumed dirt.

I think it was the small pox episode where during the quarantine Harris was moaning about the crappy coffee in his sleep.

This series is like "Space Balls". it's all quotable.
E-mail

Monday 01/25/2010 7:06:47pm
Name: Chris
Homepage:
City/Country: Tulsa, OK
Favorite Barney Miller Character/Actor: All of the above
Favorite Barney Miller Show Quote: The episode that nick gets a morning line 30/1 on a horse named "pickmenick" and he has to race to the payphone on the first callout. The end of the show has Dietrich, Wojo and Yemana discussing the afterlife and frustrated with Dietrich's non-belief in a higher power, he answers the phone only to be greeted with the news that "pickmenick" won him $400 and he turns to Dietrich and says "see that settles it" (that there is a God) classic timing and old-school humor. I only wish this show could have run as long as the @#%$! Simpsons, Melrose Place and 90210 altogether. We'd all be better off as an American society.
E-mail cgilliam9@yahoo.com

Monday 01/04/2010 4:05:02pm
Name: tornadojoe
Homepage:
City/Country:
Favorite Barney Miller Character/Actor: Jack Soo
Favorite Barney Miller Show Quote: Season 3 ep 46 hash

Nic walks out of Barneys office after getting stoned on hash Brownies and says has anybody seen my legs..
E-mail

Saturday 01/02/2010 8:53:54pm
Name: Frederic
Homepage: http://none
City/Country: Crestview, Florida
Favorite Barney Miller Character/Actor: All of them
Favorite Barney Miller Show Quote: Although the show had many, many hilarious lines, the one which sticks out in my mind as the best line of the show--and my favorite--was not funny at all. It was in the episode where a Vietnam vet has been arrested, and Wojo has called in the military, the VA administration, and a representative of the company which made Agent Orange for questioning. When the three men begin to argue over who is at fault for the chemical affecting soldiers exposed to it, Wojo calls them "clowns" and the company stooge tells him not to get "personal." Wojo slams down a pencil and cries out "It IS personal!"

The power of the line is made all the more so by Max Gail's marvelous acting--you can see the pain and anger on his face and in his eyes as he delivers the line, and you can feel it too.
E-mail cal_frohike@yahoo.com

Friday 01/01/2010 4:21:37pm
Name: Adrienne Jamieson
Homepage:
City/Country: San Francisco, California USA
Favorite Barney Miller Character/Actor: All of them!!
Favorite Barney Miller Show Quote: Too many to recall-- but I do remember Dietrich talking about artificial insemination in animals, particularly cows. He paused, then said, "Of course, Elsie's not so contented anymore..."
E-mail alabhaois2000-scot9@yahoo.com

Friday 01/01/2010 2:45:35pm
Name: T. Rose
Homepage: http://www.facebook.com/topic.php?topic=6593&post=84824&uid=26455936537#/pages/Barney-Miller/26455936537?ref=ts
City/Country:
Favorite Barney Miller Character/Actor: Dietrich (Mr. Spock / Data of BM?)
Favorite Barney Miller Show Quote: Dietrich: "You think your hot?"
to an apparent suicide-attempt man who claims he was in the water because he was going to self-immolate (subsequently a trash can catches on fire in the squad room). After making a date with a "dancer."
E-mail TRose2342@Yahoo.com

Saturday 12/05/2009 1:11:15pm
Name: Christopher Hudgins
Homepage:
City/Country: Phoenix, AZ
Favorite Barney Miller Character/Actor: this time, Fish
Favorite Barney Miller Show Quote: In a season 3 episode, Fish lifts up his pant leg to pull his sock up. Barney says, "That's very lovely, but you're still gonna have to do some typing." Fish says, "What? Oh yeah. (Heh, heh, heh, heh.)" Barney then asks, "What's going down? (Heh, heh, heh, heh.)" Fish says, "My socks won't stay up; I'm gonna put a rubber band around my leg." Barney goes, "That's not good for you; they can cut off your circulation." And Fish goes, "I have no circulation. Wherever my blood is...that's it."
E-mail cehphoenix@cox.net

Tuesday 12/01/2009 9:08:28am
Name: TR Sullivan
Homepage: http://trsullivan.mlblogs.com/
City/Country: Plano, Texas
Favorite Barney Miller Character/Actor: Barney Miller
Favorite Barney Miller Show Quote: At the end of the episode where it is really foggy outside and everybody is brooding. Fast Eddie starts playing a solo on his saxophone and everybody sits around listening.... Arthur Duncan says: "What year is this?"
E-mail TR.Sullivan@mlb.com

Thursday 10/29/2009 5:37:20pm
Name: Tim K
Homepage:
City/Country:
Favorite Barney Miller Character/Actor: Nick Yemana
Favorite Barney Miller Show Quote: Background: Wojo is called downtown to go to the NYPD Internal Affairs office to face some accusation. Wojo becomes paranoid and nervous about going to IA. Wojo starts asking everyone in the squad room if they have been to IA or any advise about what to do when he gets there. Wojo finally gets around to Nick Yemana sitting at his desk.
Wojo: " Hey nick ever been down to Internal Affairs?"

Nick:(deadpan)" Not since Pearl Harbor"
E-mail

Friday 09/11/2009 8:19:08am
Name: Roger
Homepage:
City/Country: Moses Lake, WA
Favorite Barney Miller Character/Actor: All of them
Favorite Barney Miller Show Quote: In the episode "Hot Dogs" from season 2. Fish is locking the perp in the cage. As he closes the door, the Perp, (Played by David Lander, who played Squigy on Lavern and Shirley) says:

"You look a little old to be a cop."

Fish says in his slow and annoyed tone:

"It's the LIGHT in here!"
E-mail

Sunday 09/06/2009 5:58:57pm
Name: Bob
Homepage:
City/Country: Chicago Area
Favorite Barney Miller Character/Actor:
Favorite Barney Miller Show Quote: when Insp Kelley(Internal Affairs)comes into the squad wearing a uniform,Chano says for an undercover cop that's a pretty stupid disguise.Season 1,Episode 4
E-mail

Saturday 08/29/2009 5:03:11am
Name: Joy
Homepage:
City/Country: U.S.A.
Favorite Barney Miller Character/Actor: Dietrich/Steve Landesberg
Favorite Barney Miller Show Quote:
E-mail

Monday 06/29/2009 12:30:57am
Name: Scott
Homepage:
City/Country:
Favorite Barney Miller Character/Actor: Detrick
Favorite Barney Miller Show Quote: From the last show. Lugar says goodby to the squad, including Levitt.

For the last time Inspector, it's Levitt, Officer Carl E Levitt.

Lugar's answer: No, it's Sgt Levitt, report to detective sq at ---.

Not a dry eve in the house.
E-mail nsltexas@yahoo.com

Sunday 05/03/2009 8:23:43pm
Name: Marcus
Homepage:
City/Country: USA
Favorite Barney Miller Character/Actor: Wojo
Favorite Barney Miller Show Quote: Wojo, in the episode "Hash" (unbelievably, the first Barney Miller episode I ever saw):

Wojo is stoned.
"To err is human. To forgive, divine."
(Pause)
"Forgive me, Barney. Be divine."
E-mail

Tuesday 04/21/2009 12:38:54am
Name: kris
Homepage:
City/Country: Crown Point, IN
Favorite Barney Miller Character/Actor: Yemana
Favorite Barney Miller Show Quote: Let's go down to the beach and shoot some clams!
Mooshy, mooshy, mooshy.
E-mail

Sunday 03/15/2009 0:19:39am
Name: alex black
Homepage:
City/Country: san francisco
Favorite Barney Miller Character/Actor:
Favorite Barney Miller Show Quote: Harris is talking with the guy who claims to be from the future, and they get on the topic of investments. Harris says happily, "I've got a nice portfolio of stocks, bonds...." The crazy future man starts shaking his head, saying, "All paper.... all became worthless in the great crash of 1988." Harris is sure he's insane, but curious enough to say, "Yeah, so what became valuable." Guy says "Tin." Later Harris finds himself calling his broker, berating him for putting all of Harris' money in "worthless paper" and he's thinking he wants to buy tin instead. He asks, "So how much does tin sell for?" After a few beats he says, "Oh? Well I guess I can spring for a few tons."
E-mail alexblack361@yahoo.com

Wednesday 03/04/2009 8:14:23pm
Name: Doug
Homepage:
City/Country: Sunderland, MA, USA
Favorite Barney Miller Character/Actor: Wojo
Favorite Barney Miller Show Quote: Two, really. First, there was the hash-laced brownies. Barney realizes there's a problem, and grabs Harris to get them checked out. Harris grabs a handful into his mouth, and tells Barney there's no need; it's hash. "HASH?! How do you know?" "By the way that I FEEL, Barn." Priceless.

Then there's the time the Army Recruitment Center is bombed, and the officer is introduced to Nick, to give his statement. "Ye-MANNN-ah," he says. Nick, in his quiet, patient way, "Pretty, ain't it?"

You're sorely missed, Mr Soo.
E-mail

Wednesday 02/04/2009 3:43:14pm
Name: Scud
Homepage:
City/Country: Fl
Favorite Barney Miller Character/Actor: Wojo Deitrich
Favorite Barney Miller Show Quote: Early in one show they busted a junkie. He's spastic in the cage thru out the show. At the end Nick offers him some coffee. The junkie climbs the bars and yells " Yes,,,, twelve sugars !!!! "
E-mail

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